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Lyrics
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Director's commentary
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Curious kids gather around
I've got secrets most profound
About what teachers do when you're not around
The secrets of the staffroom are herein found
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profound(adj.) = having intellectual depth and insight
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Oh what do teachers do
When they're not in front of you
Do they play with macaroni and glue
What do they do in the staffroom
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Dropping it wasn't in the script - I'm just a klutz.
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At the end of a long long day
When you all run outside to play
The caffeine in our coffee has worn away
And we retreat to the staffroom
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Ironically, I don't even drink coffee despite the many coffee references in this song. I prefer hot chocolate.
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Oh what do teachers do
When they're not in front of you
Do they fart and say phew
What do they do in the staffroom
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Soupy the sabertooth tiger wanted to make it clear that he didn't fart. It was the teacher who farted then tried to blame it on him.
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Inside the staffroom's sacred door
Tenured guy on the couch begins to snore
We laugh become immature grade eights once more
That's the secret of the staffroom
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Quite a few staffrooms do have couches actually. But they are really old and ugly and not very comfortable.
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Oh what do teachers do
When they're not in front of you
Do they gossip 'till they turn blue
What do they do in the staffroom
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If you're wondering what Kris is gossiping about, it's about the English teacher's pet pig on the loose causing chaos in the school.
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We have to be serious all day long
Let classroom discipline come on strong
Crack a joke? That's strike number two
Keep quiet or I'll call home for you
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Templeton the mouse did actually get banned from William's teacher's classroom last year. I don't know what he did though to get banned.
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Oh why do they never let us in
Is it some malicious whim
Why do they shut the door in my face
Why's the staffroom such a mysterious place
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This is mostly off script improvisation by William. He's a comic genius.
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But deep down inside we're not that strict
Down in our soul we feel the conflict
So on professional days we let loose
Giggle and act like a silly goose
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Teachers are actually more relaxed and happy on ProD days. But not quite this much.
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Oh what do teachers do
When they're not in front of you
Tear our their hair and cry boo hoo
What do they do in the staffroom
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I gave an ecology test once and got back six different creative spellings of "maggot" from my class.
maggot(n.) = an insect that looks like a small worm and that is a young form of a fly
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Oh Pro D days we still learn a lot
About pedagogy and engage in thought
But there's no reason we can't be
Goofballs when students can't see
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The worksheet is about Piaget's Stages of Cognitive Development. I found his theories useful which is why I wrote my
Chembalancer game to make balancing chemical equations understandable
for students at the Concrete Operational stage rather than the Formal Operational stage.
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What happens in the staffroom
Do they horde gold doubloons
Do they tend exotic flower blooms
What happens in the staffroom
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I'm going to take J.J. Abrams mystery box advice and never tell you what I used to carry in that suitcase at school. Sorry about that.
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So when teachers seem unamused
And their strictness leaves you feeling confused
Remember some of them were once like you
Cracking jokes and spilling glue
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More brilliant improvisation by William
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And perhaps when you are all grown up
You may feel the need to refill your coffee cup
To enter the staffroom and close the door
To feel like your old self once more
And that's the real secret of the staffroom
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Was it all just a dream?
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